Have You Heard

Posted: June 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

Men Are Just Happier People

 Your last name stays put.
 The garage is all yours.
 Wedding plans take care of themselves.
 Chocolate is just another snack.
 You can be President.
 You can never be pregnant.
 You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
 You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
 Car mechanics tell you the truth.
 The world is your urinal.
 You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
 You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
 Same work, more pay.
 Wrinkles add character.
 Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
 People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
 New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
 One mood all the time.
 Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
 You know stuff about tanks.
 A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
 You can open all your own jars.
 You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
 If someone forgets to invite you,
 He or she can still be your friend.
 Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
 Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
 You almost never have strap problems in public.
 You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
 Everything on your face stays its original color..
 The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
 You only have to shave your face and neck.
 You can play with toys all your life.
 One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
 You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
 You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
 You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
 You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

 If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
 If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman
 When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back..
 When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
 A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
 A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
 A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
 The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
 A woman has the last word in any argument.
 Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
 A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
 A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
 A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
 A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
 Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed..
 Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
 Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
 A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


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